Peace
The struggle has been building, getting intense.
It’s the basic issue of who owns me:
1) Am I a creation of God and a branch of Jesus? Am I entirely His to lead and use as He chooses while I am alive here on earth?
2) Or, do I belong to myself? I make my own plans and decisions and take responsibility to do the best I can with my life.
3) Or both? I belong to myself but I’ve also accepted that Jesus figures into the picture. I want to please HIm, along with pleasing myself. We co-lead my life.
Aughhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been living out the third option and it is making me miserable. Splitting me right down the middle.
I sit down on the rug by my bed.
OK, Jesus. I can’t live this way. I’m giving it all up to you–again. I’m laying my entire life down on the altar of sacrifice for you to do with as you choose. Here’s my life:
- My present, my future
- My work, finances, security, and desire for a predictable, “stable” life
- My wish to know “The Plan”
- My possessions
- My body, health and strength, my appearance, any female attractiveness left
- My brains and education
- My opinions and judgments
- My reputation and what any and every person thinks of me
- My loves, my “right” to a husband, my desire for human affection and sexual fulfillment
- My desire to keep parts of my heart for myself and this world
- All of my heart is yours, Jesus. I ask you to rule and reign there completely.
There it is–everything I can think of. Take all of me. I’m yours.
And then I felt directed to put my prayer of surrender in a blog post.
No, Jesus! This is crazy.
Yes, He reassured. It will be fine. I take the responsibility.
OK, OK. Please help me.
I write this post.
Peace.
5 responses so far ↓
Darlene Betzer // July 18, 2009 at 5:07 pm |
You beautifully articulate the reasons why surrender is a struggle — so much at stake. Which is better? Allowing Christ to live His life through my mortal body, soul and spirit or insist on my rights — and take the results of my finite limitations. His opportunity offered is that I forsake all (I am and ever hope to be) to allow Him to produce THE LIFE in THE WAY according to THE TRUTH of HIS OWN PERSON free to navigate the world He created in the person He designed me to be. I choose this way with full volition engaged, making a full release of my rights as I take a plunge into the Cross of Christ as the point of dying to my own way (limited as it is by my human nature). In so doing, I am fully engaged in both earth and eternity — through Him and for Him. . .with full intention of keeping at this relationship in Christ, fully engaged mentally, emotionally and spiritually! Something about this seems obvious now that the plunge has brought an incredible joy in mature living (years of experience). Yet the struggle of the body to pull one into one’s self and emotions will always be our struggle — keeping Life flowing out of our innermost being — RIVER of CHRIST’s LIFE! What a contrast! The uncertainty of the results of future experiences no longer troubles one, but rather brings a curious trust as to what surprises may await as God pours out His lavish love to and through one. Always there’s a deep peace removing all the strife of uncertainty! He, JESUS, BEING our PEACE, gives a very real relief from anxiety!
I think we have been here before. . .and we continue to trust a Life we cannot create or learn to live. It is a gift of God — Christ-Life– imparted by Him TO US for our full gratification.
Adult maturity, an essential ingredient in Christ-likeness, can be sought after. But Christ-nature is given to us to learn to release His nature, not ours. His nature comes from our spirit-life where He has come to be THE LIFE!
And we learn how as we surrender and yeild . . . over and over . . . yet always His and ever looking to eternity for that Great Day before Him.
So, every category of opportunity for choice always comes back to the original dilemma. Will I live or will HE? In allowing Him to Live through me and choosing to die to self, I am elevated out of mundanity (if there is such a word) and mediocrity into spiritual reality IN CHRIST JESUS! Life is full of His joy and peace.
At least this is the experience I am in. . . and continue to surrender to His saving Life, by which I am “saved” in every circumstance which comes my way.
You are clarifying the options of this life — and making the Cross of Jesus the entrance to the death which must come to self-determined willfulness, the nature by which we learn to know our ways as self-directed sinners — separated and living apart from being united to God through Jesus Christ, God’s lavish Love-Gift.
How marvelous is the revelation of the Holy Spirit to come to us with the gift of God, eternal Life in Jesus Christ, and then to follow up on this Gift by leading us into situations which reveal our self-nature and give opportunity to die to sinful self and be resurrected to Spirit-Life in Christ.
gloriabethrose // July 19, 2009 at 4:27 am |
Darlene, thank you for sharing your Godly wisdom with us…
gloriabethrose // July 10, 2009 at 10:52 pm |
It was the most difficult post I’ve ever written, so I am so thankful for your affirmation and assurance that our Lord used it. We press on under His love, care, and direction. Love, Gloria
Scoti Springfield Domeij // July 10, 2009 at 2:45 pm |
Yesterday, I wrote about “Finding Rest in the Midst of Exhaustion.” And our struggles are exhausting.
Was talking to another single mom yesterday about this struggle, how hard it is to surrender and trust God. But it’s my only option, my only hope in this world.
Tiffany Stuart // July 10, 2009 at 2:30 pm |
Boy, do I understand this battle. Thank you, Jesus, for asking Gloria to post this. I needed it.
Surrender is a daily issue. I want to live IN Christ, which means I have to step aside. Easier said than done.
You are not alone in this struggle.
Love your heart and honesty.